Short Funny Stories

Thinking of something to do during your idle time? Looking for short funny stories to spice up your boring day? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of short funny stories that you can read or send to your friends email to make them smile too!

Short Funny Stories Collection

    A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
    One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
    Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
    On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
    ..What were you thinking?

    Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
    What u smiling for – get back to work….

  • A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?””What dear?” She asked gently.
    I think you bring me bad luck.
  • ( FUNNY JOKE ) Does Management know their Staff ?On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of theCompany noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”The young man was quite amazed that he was asked suchA personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?”Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed$6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, “Around here

    I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!

    Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don’t come back”.

    The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

    Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,

    “And that applies to everybody in this company”.

    He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, “Who’s the young man I just fired?”

    To which an amazing reply came – “He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!”

Jokes and Funny Text Messages

Looking for jokes and funny text messages? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of jokes and funny text messages and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Jokes and Funny Text Messages collection

  • FROG: what does my future hold?
    FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
    FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
    FAIRY: no. in biology class
    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
    Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
    The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??

    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
    “The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
    “A Christmas tree??”
    Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
    “Notice anything different about me?'”
    Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
    Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

    Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
    “Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'” ‘Nope’, she replies.
    To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”