0401. A doctor is in danger of losing his license to practice medicine. He was caught having sex with his patients. Its such a shame. Sayang talaga, he was a good veterinarian pa naman

0402. Ano english ng ‘Baka masuwerte ako’? … ‘Beef Lucky Me’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte ako Inay’? … ‘Lucky me mami’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte akong lalaki?…’Lucky me with egg’

0403. During the cremation: All the relatives stood in silence. Everybody was silent till a child suddenly asked out of curiousity…’Ma, hindi pa ba luto?’

0404. Did you know that:
- Cockroaches have fingers and nails?
-rats are visual learners?
-ball pens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?
-the saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?
Galing no?
lahat yan, imbento ko lang hahaha!

0405. PASYENTE: Magkano mag pa face lift?
DOCTOR: Yung complete treatment, PHP145,000.00
PASYENTE: And mahal! ano ba pinakamura para mag mukha akong bata?
DOCTOR: Eto Tsupon, 20.00 lang!
Here are some Tagalog Funny Jokes and Text messages that you can send to your friends

0406. Limit your sex life. Do it only on days that start with letter ‘T’
Tuesday,Thursday, Today, Tonite, Tomorrow, Tatorday, Tanday, Taumaga, Tatanghali, tagabi, tahapon

0407. Boy Abunda: Kung ihahalintulad mo ang iyong sarili sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
Mahal: Kachi chimple lang ako ticho boy…Chiguro chupa, mahilig chalaga ako cha chupa…ancharap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa…

0408. Juan to Poso Negro Services on the phone:
Juan: Hello, Good Morning manong, humihigop po ba kayo ng poso negro?
PNS: Yes sir, bakit po?
Juan: Masarap??

0409. PANGIT MO!
P-erfect
A-ttractive
N-ice
G-orgeos
I-ntelligent
T-ulad ko!
NAKS!.. Ngiti sya. Kala mo kung ano na no? i-Forward mo rin sa ibang PANGIT!

0410. Sabi nila, Love make your heart beat fast…
Your Body feel flushed with excitement, and your mind go around in circles…
Love kaya yon?!
O gutom lang?!!

0411. 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo.
the first was caught watching tv…
the second was caught in the park…
and the third…
..
..
Hindi Ikaw!
Bakit lagi mo na lang iniisip na unggoy ka? wag ganun!!

0412. When I wad in grade 1 my teacher gave me question. about what i want to be when i grow up.I answer happy.
Teacher:You didn’t understand the question.
Kid:you didn’t understand life..
dugo ilong nya ehh grade 1 plng ako

0413. JOKES:
APO: La punta ka ba sa tipar?
LOLA: Ano ang tipar apo?
APO: TIPAR is party!
LOLA: SOS!! walang kwentang salita PS kayong lahat..!!
APO: Ano yung PS lola?
LOLA: PAKING SHIT!!

0414. son to his dad…SON: dad baket nyo ako pinangalanan na Conrado Domingo…now my friends call me CONDOM…

Grab that cellphone and text some jokes to your friends now!

More Jokes

Sent/Texted by:
loraine
Jean
Kio
Jay
Noel

0252. wife: Hon sino si Trixie?
Husband: ah kabayo yun, yung pinustahan ko sa karera
wife: ah ganun? sige sagutin mo ang telepono, tumatawag yung kabayo

0253. Friend kita kaya ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan ka… kaya pag nakita kong may lamok sa iyong mukha, ……tatagain ko

0254. I send you this fish ><(((,”> as a sign of our friendship, alagaan mo sya  sa cel mo ha? once a week, ilublob mo sa tubig celphone mo para di sya mamatay! hehehe

0255. More tagalog JOkes and text messages soon

0201. Sa tuwing may tampuhan, madalas sabihin, ‘Sorry di ko sinasadya’….’Sensya na di na mauulit’…’Galit ka pa ba?’… di ba mas masarap pakinggan kung sasabihig ‘Eto P1000.00 bati na tayo ha?’

0202. Mahirap kapag walang nagmamahal…walang karamay sa problema…madalas walang kausap…malamig ang pasko pati na ang valentines…..Pero ang mas mahirap mag isa……’kapag naka sakay ka sa seesaw! di gagalaw! badtrip!

0203. Aaminin ko…sa lahat ng mga ka text ko…ikaw ang gusto ko..masaya kang ka text…IBANG IBA KA SA KANILA……kasi ….di ka nag rereply…

0204. DAD: anak bading ka ba?

SON: aba dad alam nyo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmates ko? Respetado ako sa school.
DAD: talaga anak?
SON: Oo dad! tawag nga nila sa akin… MAHAL NA REYNA!

0205. May 2 lalaking magkapatid.
b1: Gising na dyan, kakain na tayo, pumili ka na don
Bumangon si b1 at tiningnan kung ano ang ulam.
B2: o isang tuyo lang yun, ano pagpipilian ko
B1: ang sabi ko pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi

0206.  Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot housewife. When her husband died, she in inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary. The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.” She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead’ ” Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.” After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo, “TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ”

0207. Bata: Pabili po ng ubas. Tindera: Wala kaming ubas. [Kinabukasan...] Bata: Pabili po ng ubas. Tindera: Wala nga kaming ubas. Isa pang tanong mo, iistapler ko na yang bibig mo! [Kinabukasan...] Bata: May istapler kayo? Tindera: Wala, bakit? Bata: Pabili ng ubas.. ^,^

0208. An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?” Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”

0209. In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ‘sigaw’ ay ‘shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”

0210.  We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: “Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”