10 Conyo-mandments
by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
1.  Thou shall make gamit “make+pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you
know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so
eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. “My bag is so bigat today, you know”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book
eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish .
ex. “I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. “Like, it’s so init naman!”
“Yah! The aircon, it’s, like sira!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your
sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. “Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
“It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?”
ex. “Like, OMG! It’s like traffic sa LRT”
“I know right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full
effect!
ex. “I’m, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”

0501. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”

0502. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”

0503. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”

0504. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”

0505. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

0506. My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”

0507. A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”

0508. While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”

0509. My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”

0510. I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”

0511. Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”

0512. An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”

0513. I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”

0514. I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”

0515. An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”

0516. I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”

0517. When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”

0518. We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.

0519. A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”

0520. A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

0401. A doctor is in danger of losing his license to practice medicine. He was caught having sex with his patients. Its such a shame. Sayang talaga, he was a good veterinarian pa naman

0402. Ano english ng ‘Baka masuwerte ako’? … ‘Beef Lucky Me’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte ako Inay’? … ‘Lucky me mami’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte akong lalaki?…’Lucky me with egg’

0403. During the cremation: All the relatives stood in silence. Everybody was silent till a child suddenly asked out of curiousity…’Ma, hindi pa ba luto?’

0404. Did you know that:
- Cockroaches have fingers and nails?
-rats are visual learners?
-ball pens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?
-the saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?
Galing no?
lahat yan, imbento ko lang hahaha!

0405. PASYENTE: Magkano mag pa face lift?
DOCTOR: Yung complete treatment, PHP145,000.00
PASYENTE: And mahal! ano ba pinakamura para mag mukha akong bata?
DOCTOR: Eto Tsupon, 20.00 lang!
Here are some Tagalog Funny Jokes and Text messages that you can send to your friends

0406. Limit your sex life. Do it only on days that start with letter ‘T’
Tuesday,Thursday, Today, Tonite, Tomorrow, Tatorday, Tanday, Taumaga, Tatanghali, tagabi, tahapon

0407. Boy Abunda: Kung ihahalintulad mo ang iyong sarili sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
Mahal: Kachi chimple lang ako ticho boy…Chiguro chupa, mahilig chalaga ako cha chupa…ancharap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa…

0408. Juan to Poso Negro Services on the phone:
Juan: Hello, Good Morning manong, humihigop po ba kayo ng poso negro?
PNS: Yes sir, bakit po?
Juan: Masarap??

0409. PANGIT MO!
P-erfect
A-ttractive
N-ice
G-orgeos
I-ntelligent
T-ulad ko!
NAKS!.. Ngiti sya. Kala mo kung ano na no? i-Forward mo rin sa ibang PANGIT!

0410. Sabi nila, Love make your heart beat fast…
Your Body feel flushed with excitement, and your mind go around in circles…
Love kaya yon?!
O gutom lang?!!

0411. 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo.
the first was caught watching tv…
the second was caught in the park…
and the third…
..
..
Hindi Ikaw!
Bakit lagi mo na lang iniisip na unggoy ka? wag ganun!!

0412. When I wad in grade 1 my teacher gave me question. about what i want to be when i grow up.I answer happy.
Teacher:You didn’t understand the question.
Kid:you didn’t understand life..
dugo ilong nya ehh grade 1 plng ako

0413. JOKES:
APO: La punta ka ba sa tipar?
LOLA: Ano ang tipar apo?
APO: TIPAR is party!
LOLA: SOS!! walang kwentang salita PS kayong lahat..!!
APO: Ano yung PS lola?
LOLA: PAKING SHIT!!

0414. son to his dad…SON: dad baket nyo ako pinangalanan na Conrado Domingo…now my friends call me CONDOM…

Grab that cellphone and text some jokes to your friends now!

More Jokes

Sent/Texted by:
loraine
Jean
Kio
Jay
Noel