Jokes and Funny Text Messages

Looking for jokes and funny text messages? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of jokes and funny text messages and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Jokes and Funny Text Messages collection

  • FROG: what does my future hold?
    FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
    FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
    FAIRY: no. in biology class
    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
    Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! “The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
    The family is sitting at the dinner table.The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?”
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.??

    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, “Mom, how many types of “willies” are there?
    “The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it’s like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
    “A Christmas tree??”
    Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He’s an elderly man and figures he’s not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife:
    “Notice anything different about me?'”
    Margaret looks him over, “Nope” she says.
    Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

    Margaret looks up and says, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.
    “Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'” ‘Nope’, she replies.
    To which Margaret replies… “Should have bought a hat, Bert, Should have bought a hat.”

Inspirational Quotes and Messages

Looking for inspirational quotes? Below is our collection of inspirational quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Inspirational Quotes Collection

  • Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall – Confucius
  • The only way to finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the imposible – Arthur Clarke
  • Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking – William B. Sprague
  • Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later, a collection of mistakes called experience will lead us to success..
  • Success is like your own shadow, if you try to catch it, you will never succeed, ignore it and walk in your own way… it will follow you..
  • Each moment of our lives is a picture which we had never seen before and which will never see again. So enjoy and live life and make each moment beautiful
  • Never doubt yourself ‘coz it just gives others the chance to doubt you
  • Life is like a music…It has its high notes and low notes. No matter how high or low, KEEP IN TUNE with God and you’ll never go out of tune in the music of life.
  • Whenever you share the goodness in your heart, you always end up a winner because “Life is an echo.” It gives back what you have given!
  • When you share yourself to others, your life begins to find its meaning…but the time you touch the lives of others is the moment you truly started living..
  • A happy heart is a good medicine and a positive mind works healing in your busy schedule..Don’t forget to smile and have a good laugh because it adds color to your life.. God Bless!

Funny Kowts (Quotes)

Looking for funny kowts (quotes)? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of funny tagalog kowts (quotes) and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Funny Kowts (Quotes) Collection

  • It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”
  • My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
  • Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
  • In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
  • I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

More Funny Tagalog Kowts (Quotes)

  • My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
  • A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”
  • While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”
  • My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
  • I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
  • Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
  • An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
  • I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”
  • I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
  • An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
  • I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
  • When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”
  • We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
  • A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
  • A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

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Spiritual Quotes and Prayers

More collection of Spiritual Quotes.. Best sent in the morning to inspire your friends and loved ones

0211. “Don’t get tired of doing what’s good” and “Don’t get discourage and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessings at the appropriate time”.

0212. Prayer is the most cleansing therapy of the heart and soul… It converts the hateful thoughts into clean, kind and pure breath of the spirit.. GOD BLESS!

0213. When our human strength gives away, there is an arm that never gets tired. God is holding you and He won’t let you g. He will walk with you, talk with you and carry you.

0214. Each person is God’s gift to the world. Nobody is nobody in God’s eyes. Sometimes we don’t like the gift’s wrapping. See what’s inside – A priceless person – YOU!

0215. God should be the object of all the desires, the end of all our actions, the principle of all our affections, and the governing power of our whole souls. Continue reading “Spiritual Quotes and Prayers”

Tagalog Jokes

Looking for Tagalog Jokes? here are some Jokes and funny Text Messages that you can read and enjoy. Don’t forget to share them with your friends

Tagalog Jokes

  • Sa panahon ngayon bawal PUMIKIT… Pag ikaw pumikit JOWA mo may KABIT. =p
  • Sa tuwing may tampuhan, madalas sabihin, ‘Sorry di ko sinasadya’….’Sensya na di na mauulit’…’Galit ka pa ba?’… di ba mas masarap pakinggan kung sasabihig ‘Eto P1000.00 bati na tayo ha?’ 🙂
  • Mahirap kapag walang nagmamahal…walang karamay sa problema…madalas walang kausap…malamig ang pasko pati na ang valentines…..Pero ang mas mahirap mag isa……’kapag naka sakay ka sa seesaw! di gagalaw! badtrip!
  • Aaminin ko…sa lahat ng mga ka text ko…ikaw ang gusto ko..masaya kang ka text…IBANG IBA KA SA KANILA……kasi ….di ka nag rereply…
  • DAD: anak bading ka ba?
    SON: aba dad alam nyo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmates ko? Respetado ako sa school.
    DAD: talaga anak?
    SON: Oo dad! tawag nga nila sa akin… MAHAL NA REYNA!
  • May 2 lalaking magkapatid.
    b1: Gising na dyan, kakain na tayo, pumili ka na don
    Bumangon si b1 at tiningnan kung ano ang ulam.
    B2: o isang tuyo lang yun, ano pagpipilian ko
    B1: ang sabi ko pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi 😛

More Pinoy Tagalog Jokes

  • Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot housewife. When her husband died, she in inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary. The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
    She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead’ ”
    Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
    After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo, “TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE “
  • Bata: Pabili po ng ubas. Tindera: Wala kaming ubas.
    Bata: Pabili po ng ubas.
    Tindera: Wala nga kaming ubas. Isa pang tanong mo, iistapler ko na yang bibig mo!
    Bata: May istapler kayo?
    Tindera: Wala, bakit?
    Bata: Pabili ng ubas.. ^,^
  • An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?” Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”
  • In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ‘sigaw’ ay ‘shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
  • We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: “Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”

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Father’s Day Poems

Express your feelings to your father this father’s day. Send him one of these Father’s day Poems along with your gift if any 🙂

Father’s Day Poems Collection

Poems for Fathers

  • We may not shower him with praise, Nor mention his name in song,
    And sometimes it seems that we forget The joy he spreads as he goes along,
    But it doesn’t mean that we don’t know
    The wonderful role that he has had.
    And way down deep in every heart There’s a place that is just for Dad
    – Happy Fathers Day.
  • What Makes a Dad – By: Anonymous
    God took the strength of a mountain,
    The majesty of a tree,
    The warmth of a summer sun,
    The calm of a quiet sea,
    The generous soul of nature,
    The comforting arm of night,
    The wisdom of the ages,
    The power of the eagle’s flight,
    The joy of a morning in spring,
    The faith of a mustard seed,
    The patience of eternity,
    The depth of a family need,
    Then God combined these qualities,
    When there was nothing more to add,
    He knew His masterpiece was complete,
    And so,
    He called it … Dad

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Quotes for the Broken Hearted

Looking for Broken Heart Quotes?  We at Quotesarena compiled and collect these quotes for the heart broken to share it here..Please browse our full collection of Broken heart quotes and messages and please don’t forget to share them with your friends.

Broken Heart Quotes collection

  • Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. ~Author Unknown
  • People lie every day. The most common lie: I’m fine.
  • If you want to leave me then go, but take my heart with you because it doesn’t want to be with anybody else.
  • I’m an emotional wreck, but its all because I can’t get you out of my thoughts.
  • I’m tired of reaching for your hand, when you won’t even hold onto mine.
  • It’s these movies and the pop songs, they’re to blame for all lies and the heartache, everything.
  • Protect her, love her, kiss her, hug her, hold her, smile with her, laugh with her. But don’t make her fall if you don’t plan to catch her.
  • When the person you need the most doesn’t need you.., What are you supposed to do?
  • I hate it when you give him your all and then he just treats you like another of his friends …
  • The worst thing about loving you, is watching you love someone else.
  • Just like every other night, I looked up at the stars & wasted another wish on you.
  • The bad thing about romance movies, is that it shows me what I wish I had.

Broken Friendship Quotes

Looking for broken friendship quotes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of broken friendship quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

Broken friendship quotes collection

  • It had never crossed my mind that I could be blinded by a friendship, but now I know I can.
  • And I’m no stranger to learning the hard way and the day our friendship died it all became so clear that in life, we have to learn to keep the memories. And lose the people who helped us make them.
  • Why is it that my friends don’t even bother to notice I’m dying inside? That my heart has been torn out and all they do is just live their lives like they always have? They don’t even take the time to ask how I am or what I’m doing anymore … everyone just seems to be slipping away and all I can do is wonder why. It’s a shame — the people you thought were your ‘best friends’ get their own lives, and they don’t even notice how yours has been torn apart.
  • Its just when you want– no, need–people to be there for you, they’re not. They’re like a million miles away and when you think someone is totally reliable and trustworthy and you’ve built your whole life around them…then it turns out they were never that person.
  • To all the ‘friends’ in my life: the next time you wonder why it is that I’m so pessimistic or untrusting, just remember that it was you who made me this way.- Christina Treco
  • Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They’re only powerful when you got your back turned.” – Eminem
  • Do you ever get so upset that the moment you turn around to find your friend, you realize that this time he’s not there and you feel that life will never be the same again?
  • And so if I have to leave you, I want you to know that in the end, it wasn’t because I stopped caring, it’s because you stopped being a friend.
  • I don’t understand why you called me your ‘best friend.’ aren’t best friends supposed to be for life? then i guess we didn’t fit into that category. you never knew me, and i never knew you.
  • We used to be friends you know. once upon a time when I was good enough for you.

Tagalog Love Quotes

Looking for Tagalog Love Quotes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of Tagalog Love Quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts. Express your feelings now with these Tagalog Love Quotes collection.

Love Quotes Tagalog Collection

Newly Added Tagalog Love Quotes

  • There’s a lot more I miss about you.
    It’s not just the moment we spent,
    The laughs we shared or talks we had.
    I can’t be sure how much
    How much I’m missing you but all I can say is
    Nakakainip pala pag wala ka.
  • Nakita ako katabi ni God at ang ulo
    ko nakasandal sa balikat mo.
    Tinanaong nya ako, “Ano ang langit sayo?”
    Sabi ko, “Dito lang sa tabi ng baby ko”.
  • There are days that you might feel that I don’t remember you. I didn’t even call you.
    What you don’t know is all the time I’ve been waiting to keep in touch with you.
    Ayoko lang pahalata that I really miss you.

Spiritual Quotes

Looking for spiritual quotes? Search no more ‘coz you’re in the right place. Below is our collection of spiritual quotes and text messages that you can copy and send to your friends via text/sms or paste in your facebook or twitter accounts.

  • God will never give you problems you can’t handle. So in times get rough. Just remember you’ll get through it.
  • God is working in more ways than we ask him. He is doing more things for us than our faith could even imagine He makes all things beautiful. We are the living proof.
  • God understand that we are not strong all the time. Sometimes all we can do is to rest on his arms as he takes us to the journey of life. With him we are safe.
  • How faithful the Lord is? “I will not leave you until I have finished giving you EVERYTHING I promised you.” – Gen28:15 God Bless!
  • The God we meet in GOOD TIMES is the same we meet in HARD TIMES. May the Lord REFRESH us and give us STRENGTH as we FACE new challenges EVERYDAY. Good Morning!
  • God knows what’s best for us, so why should we complain… We always want the sunshine but He knows there must be rain… We love the sound of laughter and the merriment of cheer… but our hearts will lose their tenderness if we never shed a tear… God tests us not to punish is but to help us meet tomorrow… So whatever we are in trouble and everything goes wrong … It’s just God working on us to make our spirit strong…

More spiritual quotes

  • Prayer is a perfume to our soul and a fragrance that pleases God. Wear your prayer everyday and let it freshen you anytime, anywhere you go.
  • Praying for you is my way of saying… “You are special to me so I ask God to pour what is best for you and what will make you happy.” God loves you!
  • God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer. – Mother Theresa
  • Our prayers should be for blessings in general, for God knows best what is good for us. – Socrates
  • I believe in prayer. it’s the best way we have to draw strength from heaven. – Josephine Baker
  • He prays best who love best. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
  • God is always above our thoughts, pains and desires. He sees our strivings and aims. Wonderfully He works out what’s best for the rest of our days.
  • God always plan the best thing for us, sometimes we feel being left out, but actually God is saving the better one than what we actually asked for.

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