0501. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”

0502. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”

0503. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”

0504. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”

0505. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)

0506. My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”

0507. A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”

0508. While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: ” Houston , we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston ?”

0509. My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”

0510. I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”

0511. Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”

0512. An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”

0513. I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’ ?”

0514. I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”

0515. An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”

0516. I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”

0517. When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”

0518. We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.

0519. A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”

0520. A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.

0472. Bakit natatakot bumaba ang mga babae sa jeep sa kanto ng TINIO st, sa San Pablo?
Answer: Kasi ang sigaw ng driver “O yun bababa, KANTO TINIO NA”!!!!!

0473. Bata : Tay paglaki ko gusto ko katulad mo.
Tatay: Ang bait ng anak ko, gusto rin maging doctor.
Bata : Hindi tay!! gusto ko rin tirahin si YAYA!!!

0474. DALAWANG LASING ANG SABAY UMIHI.

Lasing 1 : Pare, sobra ang tigas ng TITI ko, Uuwi na ako at yayariin ko muna si Misis.
Lasing 2 : Sasama ako sa iyo.
Lasing 1 : Baket?
Lasing 2 : E, sa akin ang yang hawak mong TITI eh !!!!
More Tagalog Text Jokes….
0475. After having sex, panay pa rin hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki..
BOY: Gusto mo pa ulit ?
GIRL: Hinde… Namimiss ko lang.. Meron kasi ako nito dati ehh…

0476. INA: Hindi ba bilin ko sayo, kapag hinipuan ka ng bf mo sa dede say DONT! Kapag sa pepe say STOP! Bakit nabuntis ka ?
ANAK: Sabay po kasi hinipo eh,. kaya sabi ko DONT STOP !

0477. Nakakasalat
Sakristan: Father, may libangan din ba ang mga Pari?
Pari: Oo, naman, pag dating ng hapon, kaming mga pari dito sa bayan ay naglalaro ng Mahjong.
Sakristan: Bakit po naman Mahjong pa ang napili niyong laro?
Pari: Kasi, dito lang kami nakakasalat ng flower, Iho!

0478. Boy Libog sees his mon licking his father’s balls
BOY LIBOG : Ano gawa mo mommy?
MOM : Kain lang mommy ng bola bola
BOY LIBOG : Takaw naman ni mommy. may bola bola na may lumpia pa!!!

0479. Boy LIbog sees his wife giving birth to their child.
WIFE: Hoy, tulungan mo ako dito!
Boy Libog came ang struck his penis inside his wife.
BOY LIBOG: Anak, KAPIT !!!

0480. WOMAN to DOC: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood, the pain ang it only cost 50pesos! How did you do it?
DOC : I tied your PUBIC hair together!

0481. KUMARE 1: Nag-away kami ng pare mo kasi gusto niya sa sex dog style
KUMARE 2: What’s wrong with that?
KUMARE 1: Eh gusto niya na naman sa DAAN din!

0482. In a rape trial, the vixtim was asked by a lawyer: Did you scream for help?
LADY : Yes sir.
LAWYER: Did anyone came?
LADY: Yes sir….he did… then I did

0483. STUDENT : Mam, how can we get BETACAROTENE?
TEACHER : Manood ka ng beta, kumain ka ng carrot, tapos humawak ng OTEN

0484. sa math class:
ryan:ARAY!!bakit ka ba naniniko??
raul: ayaw mo magpakopya kasi..
ryan:sumbong kita kay teacher,MAM SI RAUL PO NANINIKO!!!!
TEACHER: RAUL “ALAM MO BANG MASAKIT ANG MANIKO”?
raul:YEHEY!!WALANG PASOK NGAYON MASAKIT DAW MANI NI MAM!!!!

0485. WOMAN to DOC: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood, the pain ang it only cost 50pesos! How did you do it?
DOC : I tied your PUBIC hair together!

0451. Sa Math Class…
Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang
piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hnati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING na po! GINILING!!!

Next Text Joke:

0452. SA BAKERY
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

Joke Time:

0453. ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un…TEN MILLER!!!
Text Joke Again?

0454. Honeymoon…
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!

0455. BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali! Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di ‘nyo na ako mahal!
AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak?
BOY: Shet! Mali na naman ako!!!

0456. BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!

0457. (Joke: Sa loob ng Mall)
GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since…

0458. JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?

0459. NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porke bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?

English Joke:

0460. FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class

0461. More Tagalog Text Jokes to come…

This post is brought to you by Laptop Skins on Techiegirl

0401. A doctor is in danger of losing his license to practice medicine. He was caught having sex with his patients. Its such a shame. Sayang talaga, he was a good veterinarian pa naman

0402. Ano english ng ‘Baka masuwerte ako’? … ‘Beef Lucky Me’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte ako Inay’? … ‘Lucky me mami’
Ano english ng ‘Masuwerte akong lalaki?…’Lucky me with egg’

0403. During the cremation: All the relatives stood in silence. Everybody was silent till a child suddenly asked out of curiousity…’Ma, hindi pa ba luto?’

0404. Did you know that:
- Cockroaches have fingers and nails?
-rats are visual learners?
-ball pens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas?
-the saliva of an ostrich is used in making cheese?
Galing no?
lahat yan, imbento ko lang hahaha!

0405. PASYENTE: Magkano mag pa face lift?
DOCTOR: Yung complete treatment, PHP145,000.00
PASYENTE: And mahal! ano ba pinakamura para mag mukha akong bata?
DOCTOR: Eto Tsupon, 20.00 lang!
Here are some Tagalog Funny Jokes and Text messages that you can send to your friends

0406. Limit your sex life. Do it only on days that start with letter ‘T’
Tuesday,Thursday, Today, Tonite, Tomorrow, Tatorday, Tanday, Taumaga, Tatanghali, tagabi, tahapon

0407. Boy Abunda: Kung ihahalintulad mo ang iyong sarili sa isang kasangkapan sa bahay, ano ka?
Mahal: Kachi chimple lang ako ticho boy…Chiguro chupa, mahilig chalaga ako cha chupa…ancharap kachi minchan machulog cha chupa…

0408. Juan to Poso Negro Services on the phone:
Juan: Hello, Good Morning manong, humihigop po ba kayo ng poso negro?
PNS: Yes sir, bakit po?
Juan: Masarap??

0409. PANGIT MO!
P-erfect
A-ttractive
N-ice
G-orgeos
I-ntelligent
T-ulad ko!
NAKS!.. Ngiti sya. Kala mo kung ano na no? i-Forward mo rin sa ibang PANGIT!

0410. Sabi nila, Love make your heart beat fast…
Your Body feel flushed with excitement, and your mind go around in circles…
Love kaya yon?!
O gutom lang?!!

0411. 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo.
the first was caught watching tv…
the second was caught in the park…
and the third…
..
..
Hindi Ikaw!
Bakit lagi mo na lang iniisip na unggoy ka? wag ganun!!

0412. When I wad in grade 1 my teacher gave me question. about what i want to be when i grow up.I answer happy.
Teacher:You didn’t understand the question.
Kid:you didn’t understand life..
dugo ilong nya ehh grade 1 plng ako

0413. JOKES:
APO: La punta ka ba sa tipar?
LOLA: Ano ang tipar apo?
APO: TIPAR is party!
LOLA: SOS!! walang kwentang salita PS kayong lahat..!!
APO: Ano yung PS lola?
LOLA: PAKING SHIT!!

0414. son to his dad…SON: dad baket nyo ako pinangalanan na Conrado Domingo…now my friends call me CONDOM…

Grab that cellphone and text some jokes to your friends now!

More Jokes

Sent/Texted by:
loraine
Jean
Kio
Jay
Noel