Text Quotes and Text Messages 0281 – 0300: Funny Tagalog Quotes and Erap Jokes

Filed Under Tagalog Quotes 

Make your friends smile by this huge collection of Tagalog Funny Quotes and text messages :)

0281. Wag kang malungkot o magdaramdam kapag ika’y nag iisa…sapagkat sa mata ng DULING….ika’y dalawa…tandaan mo, hanggat may DULING, di ka nag iisa!

0282. Sabi nila: kapag nadapa ka, bumangon ka!
Sabi ko naman: Paano kung nadapa ka sa hubad na katawan ng taong kinababaliwan mo?…
Sige nga, babangon ka pa ba??!

0283. Kung nurse ka, paano mo sasabihin sa pasyente na mamamatay na sya?
Pasyente: Mamamatay na ba ako?
Nurse: Nanunuod ho ba kayo ng Marimar?
Pasyente: Oo.
Nurse: Hindi nyo na ho matatapos

0284. ‘pag may problem ka, lapitan mo lang ako, di kita iiwan.
Yayakapin lang kita ng mahigpit, at itatanong ko lang sayo…“ano ba gusto mo?” … matador, Colt 45. emperador o red horse??

0285. Seswertehin ka sa pag-ibig ngayong taon…kung magiging akin ka!!! yun yun eh

0286. he quantity of your happiness depends upon the quality of your thoughts :) …. think of me…Buo na araw mo wahaha

0287. BF: BlowJob mo ako Hon..
GF: Di ako marunong Hon..
BF: Madali lang, para ka lang nag sisigarilyo.Hititin mo.
GF: Ganun!? Palalabasin ko din ba sa ilong?

0288. I dreamed of you last night, naka upo ka sa tabi ng ilog, sad and alone and mukhang mabigat ang loob. Lalapitan sana kita at yayakapin, pero bigla ka tumayo, at nag punas ng pwet! hehe

0289. Madre: ano apelyido mo iho?
Sakristan: Alam nyo na po yun sister! lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan..
Madre: Susme! BAYAG apelyido mo?
Sakristan: Sister naman… ROSARIO po!!

0290. There was a turtle who fell in love with a cat
One day, the turtle visited the cat and said…”I love you with all my heart”
The cat replied:
“Kami na ni rabbit, ang bagal mo kasi!!

0291. Scenario : Nasusunog ang Malacanang
Guard : Mr. President dito po ang daan sa fire exit
Erap : Gago, diyan nga dadaan ang apoy eh!

0292. Boy 1 – Lahi namin ang mahabang buhay, lolo ko namantay 88 years old na.
Boy 2 – Ako lolo ko namatay 98 years na.
Boy 3 – Ala yan, Lolo ko sobrang tanda PINATAY na lang namin

0293. Sino ang mga unang tao sa mundo?
HUDYO: Kami! Kasi kami ang nagpapako kay Kristo
INTSIK : Bakit? Kanino kayo bumili ng PAKO?

0294. During the flight to USA.
Stewardess : Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumalit ang tenga nyo during the flight.
ERAP : Thank you!After an hour.
ERAP : Miss pano ba tatanggalin itong chewing gum sa tenga ko?

0295. While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: “Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh…”

0296. My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”

0297. Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”

0298. My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”

0299. From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”

0300. Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ‘storey’ o ‘floor’ ng building?” Contestan: “PIP PLOR!”

Sent By:
RonJay
Dino
John

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Disclaimer: All Quotations, Jokes and Messages contained here are either received through SMS, E-mail or contributed through comments, and remain the intellectual property of their respective originators

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Comments

57 Responses to “Text Quotes and Text Messages 0281 – 0300: Funny Tagalog Quotes and Erap Jokes”

  1. punk~princess on July 24th, 2008 5:05 am

    <<<<<<<>>>>>>> eh paano kung madalas kang magmahal eh di madalas kang masasaktan aray ko poh di ko na un kaya kaw kaya mo

  2. leizel osorio on August 9th, 2008 12:32 am

    grabe..ang sakit ng tyan ko katatawa sa mga funnny quotes….
    sana madagdagan pa ng mas madami

  3. jukays on August 11th, 2008 1:23 am

    sus ang corny nmn,, wala bng iba ung matatae aq sa tawa..

  4. ♥shinobi...princess♥ on August 27th, 2008 5:18 am

    astig………..natuwa ako sobra

  5. lene_.. on August 30th, 2008 6:56 am

    ….super k 2wa ung mga funny qoutes….

    hahahahaha

  6. xxxx on September 2nd, 2008 5:44 am

    wahahhahahahahaha

    pwede na!!hahaha

  7. alecz iranga on September 13th, 2008 7:19 pm

    ok lang..nakakaalis ng maghapong stress kapag binasa u…

  8. MIz.3ightEen on December 10th, 2008 7:00 am

    wOw!!kakaTawa naMan dI na aKo maKa2Log 2Loy!!jajajaja!!!add me plz sa fiendsTer ok….
    *edited* thanKs…
    naG enJoy akO graBe!!

  9. achelle on December 11th, 2008 7:54 pm

    ganda!! ang ganda!! hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. sarah on December 14th, 2008 8:52 am

    grabe ang joke na ito mapapautot ka sa kakatawa at da lang yun kakabagan ka pa

  11. chika girlz on January 1st, 2009 4:28 am

    hahaha…i really enjoyed this quotes..hope that thers more

  12. ]\[i†rO on January 8th, 2009 5:39 am

    nakakatuwa!!
    \

  13. pResnie on January 22nd, 2009 9:29 pm

    sumakit ang throat k0 sa kakatawa….
    sumakit dahil wala akong humpay sa
    kakaubo habang tumatawa..

  14. pResnie on January 22nd, 2009 9:33 pm

    grabe sumakit ang throat ko dun…
    wala kasi akong humpay sa kakaubo
    habang tumatawa…
    “pero steady lang”
    “relax” i l0ve it…
    t00dles

  15. armer on January 25th, 2009 5:05 am

    grabe hayop sa ganda ang quetes d2 will
    parang ma papadalas ako d2 ha..

    heheheh

  16. king james23 on January 25th, 2009 5:51 am

    astig grabe!! lupet… natae aq sa mga jowk nxtime hahahaha……..

  17. pao on January 27th, 2009 11:51 am

    hahahahahahah

  18. tweetumsky on February 19th, 2009 11:54 pm

    nwala problema ko sa katatawa

  19. lbrysie on February 26th, 2009 9:33 am

    “b4 u find fault b sure u r dealing w/ facts not w/ figments of imagination.”

    TRANSLATION:
    masamang manlait,pro kung 22o, OK lang..^_^..gud nyt seniu!!

  20. Dave on April 12th, 2009 4:54 am

    Haha. . .lol?!

  21. joshua on April 18th, 2009 9:59 am

    ANg gANda nG dYOKs nEO

  22. ferz on April 19th, 2009 6:20 am

    ,.,.ok lang./.

  23. jes on May 5th, 2009 5:22 am

    haayy…nakakatawa tlaga pra akong di ako…

  24. Jhanexhen on June 15th, 2009 10:48 pm

    hay nko!! d cila funny corny ehehe.. bt nice ehe.. ^^ uhmf.. add nio nga eadd ko JhAnE_o03 tnx.

  25. fab'z on July 10th, 2009 7:54 pm

    harhar….funny

  26. FUCK YOu on July 16th, 2009 11:32 pm

    ang korni

  27. ranniel on July 21st, 2009 6:30 am

    thanks sa mga quotes
    nyo smakt tyan ko

  28. LYLE on July 22nd, 2009 4:39 am

    ,.,.,.woooohhhh!!!!,.,.,.

    ,.,..,HEAVY!!!!,.,.,.,.,.

  29. ecradj on July 26th, 2009 6:17 pm

    ang ganda ng mga kowts ah
    sana aman ung mga pang
    broken aman next time…

  30. ecradj on July 26th, 2009 6:18 pm

    loko….

  31. mR on August 2nd, 2009 4:13 pm

    pag may nagyari sakin humanda kau….pinatawa nyo kasi ako ng sobre eh..yan tuloy nasamid ako at nabilaukan,,tapos sumakit pa tyan ko sa akaktawa..wahaahaha juzt kidding nice post…

  32. rio on August 12th, 2009 6:06 am

    huhuuhuhuh,,,,,gravy sbrang nakaka hhmmmm nce qtzz

  33. mike on August 13th, 2009 1:19 am

    alam nyo ok mga joke nyo may pagkaanimalistic……..

  34. muzsicque06 on August 15th, 2009 7:05 am

    …………nkkatawa..!!!!

    …………hihihihihi…..@.@
    √

  35. ry0ma my l0ve 13 on August 24th, 2009 2:04 am

    nkakatwa grabe…..

  36. ferlie or licute on August 29th, 2009 2:44 am

    mrmi b dyang pogi

  37. randel on September 2nd, 2009 6:44 am

    nkakatawa nman mga jokes d2!^_^my mganda ba d2?na babae!^_^

  38. meryll on September 18th, 2009 5:23 am

    ganda tlaga!!!super nakakatawa!!…

  39. meryll on September 18th, 2009 5:24 am

    ako magandang babae!!!

  40. naughtyboy on September 19th, 2009 7:14 pm

    hahaha..natawa ako dun sa madre..

  41. nesther on September 25th, 2009 4:34 am

    LOL,,haha..kkaloko mga quotes..!!

  42. ronald on October 8th, 2009 12:24 am

    naluha aq sa kakatawa…hehehe…buti wlang nkakita sakin d2 office. mpgkakamalan p aqng baliw…hehehe

  43. jaysonski on October 9th, 2009 7:50 pm

    heheheheheh………..sobrang saya tlaga magbasa ng quotes kakatwa hahahahah…. pero ung iba korni eh!!!!!!….??????

  44. ako 2 on October 10th, 2009 5:17 am

    nakaka matay

  45. cm on October 18th, 2009 9:23 pm

    —nice qUotes

  46. RAiiN on October 24th, 2009 8:18 pm

    i had fun reading it :)

  47. bonne on October 25th, 2009 5:52 am

    *edited* sa sobrang ganda natatae 2loy akhu anu ba nmn yan>>

  48. jupet orteza on November 10th, 2009 8:40 pm

    wooow!!1!

    ang lupit!!

    nkakatawa!!!!
    hahahahahahahahahaha

  49. ArJhAY on November 13th, 2009 12:59 am

    HayIzzzz ……. Pede nrin…….!!!!!

  50. sexcholic on November 19th, 2009 9:56 pm

    grabe..!!! nkktuwa naman ang skit ng tyan q kakatawa….

  51. lynsy p. on November 19th, 2009 10:52 pm

    hahahahah so funny ;;spongebob..halos matanggal ang tyan ko sa kakatawa ////gekegek

  52. lloyd kenneth beltran on November 22nd, 2009 6:32 am

    astig ang kowtz na to . .. dang bangis eh..

  53. riena on December 5th, 2009 3:15 am

    hahahhaha….want more plzzzzzzzzz…;))

  54. kisses smiley on December 10th, 2009 7:15 pm

    …..owkei lng!!,,kktwa rin!!,jejeje

  55. lester on December 25th, 2009 8:02 pm

    ampupu un lang po ala na ba?

  56. yanZtic.. on January 25th, 2010 12:55 am

    hntAy q hA.?

  57. Richie_09 on March 11th, 2010 3:17 am

    ang ga2nda ng mga funny quotes xobrang nka2tawa cla …..pro ung iba corney pro auz lng ga2da nla……..

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