Text Quotes and Text Messages 0281 - 0300: Funny Tagalog Quotes and Erap Jokes

January 3, 2008 · Filed Under Tagalog Quotes 

Make your friends smile by this huge collection of Tagalog Funny Quotes and text messages :)

0281. Wag kang malungkot o magdaramdam kapag ika’y nag iisa…sapagkat sa mata ng DULING….ika’y dalawa…tandaan mo, hanggat may DULING, di ka nag iisa!

0282. Sabi nila: kapag nadapa ka, bumangon ka!
Sabi ko naman: Paano kung nadapa ka sa hubad na katawan ng taong kinababaliwan mo?…
Sige nga, babangon ka pa ba??!

0283. Kung nurse ka, paano mo sasabihin sa pasyente na mamamatay na sya?
Pasyente: Mamamatay na ba ako?
Nurse: Nanunuod ho ba kayo ng Marimar?
Pasyente: Oo.
Nurse: Hindi nyo na ho matatapos

0284. ‘pag may problem ka, lapitan mo lang ako, di kita iiwan.
Yayakapin lang kita ng mahigpit, at itatanong ko lang sayo…“ano ba gusto mo?” … matador, Colt 45. emperador o red horse??

0285. Seswertehin ka sa pag-ibig ngayong taon…kung magiging akin ka!!! yun yun eh

0286. he quantity of your happiness depends upon the quality of your thoughts :)…. think of me…Buo na araw mo wahaha

0287. BF: BlowJob mo ako Hon..
GF: Di ako marunong Hon..
BF: Madali lang, para ka lang nag sisigarilyo.Hititin mo.
GF: Ganun!? Palalabasin ko din ba sa ilong?

0288. I dreamed of you last night, naka upo ka sa tabi ng ilog, sad and alone and mukhang mabigat ang loob. Lalapitan sana kita at yayakapin, pero bigla ka tumayo, at nag punas ng pwet! hehe

0289. Madre: ano apelyido mo iho?
Sakristan: Alam nyo na po yun sister! lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan..
Madre: Susme! BAYAG apelyido mo?
Sakristan: Sister naman… ROSARIO po!!

0290. There was a turtle who fell in love with a cat
One day, the turtle visited the cat and said…”I love you with all my heart”
The cat replied:
“Kami na ni rabbit, ang bagal mo kasi!!

0291. Scenario : Nasusunog ang Malacanang
Guard : Mr. President dito po ang daan sa fire exit
Erap : Gago, diyan nga dadaan ang apoy eh!

0292. Boy 1 - Lahi namin ang mahabang buhay, lolo ko namantay 88 years old na.
Boy 2 - Ako lolo ko namatay 98 years na.
Boy 3 - Ala yan, Lolo ko sobrang tanda PINATAY na lang namin

0293. Sino ang mga unang tao sa mundo?
HUDYO: Kami! Kasi kami ang nagpapako kay Kristo
INTSIK : Bakit? Kanino kayo bumili ng PAKO?

0294. During the flight to USA.
Stewardess : Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumalit ang tenga nyo during the flight.
ERAP : Thank you!After an hour.
ERAP : Miss pano ba tatanggalin itong chewing gum sa tenga ko?

0295. While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: “Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh…”

0296. My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”

0297. Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”

0298. My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”

0299. From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”

0300. Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ’storey’ o ‘floor’ ng building?” Contestan: “PIP PLOR!”

Sent By:
RonJay
Dino
John

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Disclaimer: All Quotations, Jokes and Messages contained here are either received through SMS, E-mail or contributed through comments, and remain the intellectual property of their respective originators

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    • Comments

    7 Responses to “Text Quotes and Text Messages 0281 - 0300: Funny Tagalog Quotes and Erap Jokes”

    1. punk~princess on July 24th, 2008 5:05 am

      <<<<<<<>>>>>>> eh paano kung madalas kang magmahal eh di madalas kang masasaktan aray ko poh di ko na un kaya kaw kaya mo

    2. leizel osorio on August 9th, 2008 12:32 am

      grabe..ang sakit ng tyan ko katatawa sa mga funnny quotes….
      sana madagdagan pa ng mas madami

    3. jukays on August 11th, 2008 1:23 am

      sus ang corny nmn,, wala bng iba ung matatae aq sa tawa..

    4. ♥shinobi...princess♥ on August 27th, 2008 5:18 am

      astig………..natuwa ako sobra

    5. lene_.. on August 30th, 2008 6:56 am

      ….super k 2wa ung mga funny qoutes….

      hahahahaha

    6. xxxx on September 2nd, 2008 5:44 am

      wahahhahahahahaha

      pwede na!!hahaha

    7. alecz iranga on September 13th, 2008 7:19 pm

      ok lang..nakakaalis ng maghapong stress kapag binasa u…

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